Happiness feels hard sometimes with depression. My ADHD doesn’t make it any better. There are so many things I love doing and want to keep doing, but it can be difficult when it feels like life just wants to push me and kick me while I’m down. I suppose my happiest times are when I feel passion again.
I tend to be a passionate person and yet I don’t always feel that passion for the things I love. I have so many dreams and desires and yet my flame is barely flickering sometimes. When I first started working in this blog again, I felt hopeful. I found my passion again. But life got in the way and I slowly lost that passion. I’ve been struggling to keep up lately. I found plenty of projects I want to work on and things to do, but it’s hard sometimes to fit everything into my day. It makes me wonder if I’m even capable of achieving my dreams.
And yet, it doesn’t take a lot of bring back my spark. I talked about my DnD game last Saturday and it was a lot of fun! I ended up listening to a song I really enjoy and pictured one of the big chase scenes going along to that music. Now, I want to draw it! I feel excited and motivated to work on this project! It’s something I know I’m capable of and it’s a lot of fun! It’s enough to get me excited about life again and drag me out of bed in the morning! It’s enough to get me through the boring pieces of the day just to get to the moment I can sit down and draw. It’s also a project I know I can share with my friends and they can hype me up for it so I don’t lose focus!
I’m at my happiest when I have something to focus on and drive me forward. Usually, it’s my writing that keeps me going, but sometimes art does too! I’m happiest when I have hope that I can complete something. Is this the healthiest way to live my life? No, I need to find a way to cope with the dullness between project highs. It’s something I’m working on. But having big projects I feel excited about will always make me happy.
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