I am worried that all of the work I have been doing won’t be enough. I work very hard to get to where I am and where I want to go. Everything I do has a purpose and I know with time I can achieve all of my goals. Rationally, I know there is no rush on my dreams. I am still young and have plenty of time to make everything happen. But I still worry I will run out of time eventually. I will get stuck dealing with too much responsibility and lose the time I could have had to work on my dreams. I fear I wasted time working myself out back when I was in college or the few years following. I could have spent that time achieving my dreams, but instead dealt with my own inner crisis.
I finally managed to break free from two jobs and things are finally starting to get better. I am working full time with the kid I babysit while my girlfriend also works full time. I am more relaxed and I have time at my actual job to write and draw while I’m actually getting paid an hourly wage! I have more time to myself and am no longer living paycheck to paycheck. I can set aside money for more important things! I spent the first two weeks decompressing and doing nothing but puzzles after work. I have slowly been working toward my writing career again and I finally have the motivation to make things happen!
Summer has to end eventually though. School will start again and I’ll have to figure out how to make enough money to make ends meet again, which means another part time job. What worries me the most is that this may be my life now. That I may never make it as a writer. I’ll be trapped working dead-end jobs just to pay the bills. I know with enough time and dedication I can make my dreams come true and there’s no time limit on my dreams, but I get so excited it’s hard to really see the slow progress oozing forward.
I worry with these constant large breaks to get myself together, I will never truly be able to make enough content to get noticed. I need viewers to make any sort of money. If money wasn’t an issue, I’d do this full time with no problems, but I have to pay bills. I have to find a way to make this lifestyle work for me. It’s going to take a long time before I can get there. Months and maybe even years before I can really say I can live comfortably like this. I just worry I won’t be able to get there. That no matter how hard I try, I may never really make it.
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