Stories Plus

I can’t particularly say which one was the most difficult or even the most recent. Goodbyes have always been hard. Letting go of the past, giving up broken possessions from my childhood, or losing loved ones. All of them are difficult but the one I regret most was when I didn’t say goodbye. I was a senior in high school, finals were coming up and there was a lot left to do before graduation to get ready for college. I was working a part time job at and ice cream shop and studying hard. I was stressed and going through a lot already and I just didn’t take the time.

My church has this little Sunday school program for the kids. The teachers are volunteers and all the parents have to do is drop off the kids and pick them up in an hour or two between masses. In the ninth grade, one of these teachers said something that stuck with me and I never got the chance to tell her that. As a Catholic, it is believed that suicide is a mortal sin and dooms you to Hell. As someone struggling with my mental health and hearing so often that these struggles weren’t real, ai ended up feeling so alone. One of my classmates had mentioned something about suicide and it being a mortal sin and this teacher said “well, no, because we don’t know what’s going through their minds.” That one sentence made me feel human again. Like I was understood without saying anything.

This teacher ended up getting cancer my junior year and I helped out in her class while she did treatments. I didn’t really know much so the other teacher took the reins and I just sort of helped where I could. She ended up making a full recovery but my senior year it came back. I didn’t even know she ended up in hospice. I wished I could visit her or write her a letter to tell her what she meant to me. She was always a good person and that one little phrase meant so much to me.

It wasn’t until I was in English class and my teacher was talking about a friend of her’s passing away. She said the name and I gasped. Everyone looked at me and the teacher asked if I knew her. Luckily, that was my last class of the day. I talked to my parents about it when I got home. They knew they were just waiting to tell me. It had happened the night before.

She was a strong individual who was fair and just. She was actually a judge, I think. She taught morals to the ninth grade class and welcomed debate and independent thinking. When her time drew near, she was not afraid. She welcomed her fate as God intended and left this world in peace. It was quite a few years ago, but I still wish I could have said a proper goodbye.